So I am so full of feelings and emotions right now. I want so much out of life, but yet I'm unsure where to start. I am so over working full time for nothing but a paycheck. Life has to be so much more than that. Right?
My greatest desire is to be a wife and a mother. Call me old fashioned if you want, but I feel this desire...no, need, to nurture, to love, to create. And let me tell you, working at a bank requires none of those things! I so want a child of my own, but looks like there could be complications with that. I want to be creative, but that doesn't come to me naturally. I want to take care of my husband, cook for him, clean the house, but with working full time, I cannot do those things to the extent I want.
Am I just being hard on myself? Or was I created for something more than counting cash all day? This is the point in my day where I have thoroughly exhausted myself trying to sort all the colliding feelings out, so I give up. But not today. Today I'm writing it on paper. For anyone to see. I want something MORE! I want to love deeper than I can imagine. Be it my husband, family or a random person on the street, I want to give the best of me to those I'm around. I want to create, with my hands. I want to learn new skills, like making jewelry and photography, so I will experiment until I've learned it. I just want to squeeze every last drop out of this life, so that when I get to heaven someday, I will know I didn't miss a thing.
All that being said, I have no idea where to start on this journey, so ideas are welcome. I know a lot of you are stay at home moms and have stories similar to mine. So encourage a girl would ya? It is possible for my dreams and goals to come true, I guess it just requires hard work and patience.
On to the next subject: I will be celebrating my one year anniversary in a couple weeks. Wow, time sure flies when you are fighting..I mean having fun. The first year is sure a lot of work, but so worth it. I am sitting here typing while my amazing, hard working hubby sneaks in a much deserved nap on the couch. How wonderful is he! I can honestly say that he has changed my life, so much for the better. He opened my eyes to the good things in life. To true, honest and pure love. Unconditional love even! No one knows me quite like he does, and even after seeing the horrible nasty sides of me, he gives me his adorable little shrug and says, so what, I just love you.
I think what I've learned most from the first year of marriage is this. Work on the things God puts in front of you, and beyond that, just love. Just be married and love. For the first few months I strived and strived and we strived and fought and battled to make everything perfect. So not what marriage is about! It's about growing...together. Living and loving....together. More about this another time I guess!
I'll leave you with this: If you haven't told someone you love them in the last 2 hours, go find someone, look them in the eye, and tell them you just love them. And let me know what happens :)
